What are Men Afraid Of?

Everyone has been afraid about something at some point in their lives; whether verbalized or not.  And, in the case of men, it’s usually not verbalized.  Many people pretend to be fearless; many people are wearing a façade.

While many of us believe that God has not given us the spirit of fear, but instead a spirit of love, power and a sound mind, that is a state of mind easier said than applied.  This may be a general question but it’s a conversation that I think is very important to begin.

When you consider the pressure and expectations that men are under, especially Black men, a degree of anxiety may be understandable.  There’s the pressure to perform as the provider for family, to be dominant in money and material things, to be respected, loved and admired by friends, family and colleagues.  All this in a society that dingles the carrot stick and then takes it away; a society that says you’re not worthy of respect, your women are smarter and more successful than you, and ultimately your destined to be criminals, low-life’s and failures.

This may all sound too dramatic, far reaching and hyper-pessimistic.  Even more so since the topic that caused me to explore this question, ‘What are men afraid of’ was prompted by an e-mail I received about the New Jersey First Friday Flirt, a black professional social group.

I came across the first Deya Direct! article I wrote “Is a Good Man Really Hard to Find?” on their website, which opened the door to correspondence with it’s founder who began to tell me how the Brothers he engages often shy away from the fast-paced dating scene.  As a result, he posed the question that we are currently discussing.

I pondered the question and talked it over with some of my Brotha-friends.  The first thing most of them said is that men are afraid of commitment, followed by fear of failure and the lack of money.  I determined that the underlying theme is that men are afraid to loose.  Think about it, in the rapid dating situation, fear of rejection comes into play.  On the other hand, they are afraid of commitment; which suggests to the single-minded a fear of loosing one’s freedom personally, socially and maybe financially.

By nature, boys are conditioned to be competitive.  This can be seen in sports, from football to hunting; or in life, from work to women.  Maybe this explains why women are frequently thought of as conquests instead of intricate individuals with hearts.   Based on this premise, if a man looses something like his job, his status or his family, in his mind the loss becomes synonymous with being less than a man.

Here’s food for thought for my brothers who may feel that they’re on the loosing end of the stick in life.  There is no failure in God.  Ironically, to surrender your life to God is the fundamental blueprint  to success.

Deya is stepping up to the next level as an author with her book
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